Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA or ACoA) is a worldwide 12-step support group and fellowship for men and women who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional families.

The group is based on the idea that growing up in such environments often leaves deep emotional, psychological, and relational effects that continue into adulthood. Even if a person never drank or became addicted themselves, the experience of living in a home where alcoholism, addiction, or dysfunction was present can create long-lasting patterns of behavior.

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) seeks to help individuals who grew up in alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional families heal from the lasting effects of that environment by providing a safe, supportive, and anonymous fellowship. Through its adapted 12-step program, ACA encourages members to recognize and release harmful patterns learned in childhood, build healthier relationships, develop self-acceptance, and create a new sense of identity based on inner strength rather than past trauma. Its ultimate aim is to break cycles of dysfunction and support members in living more balanced, joyful, and authentic lives.

Here’s a summary of the common traits that Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) calls “The Laundry List”. These are patterns many people from alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes recognize in themselves:

1. Guessing at what “normal” is – Not sure how healthy families or relationships function.

2. Difficulty following projects through – Trouble with consistency or seeing things to completion.

3. Judging themselves harshly – Struggling with perfectionism or self-criticism.

4. Difficulty having fun – Feeling uncomfortable relaxing or being playful.

5. Taking themselves very seriously – Life often feels heavy and pressured.

6. Difficulty with intimate relationships – Fear of vulnerability or closeness.

7. Overreacting to changes – Even small changes feel threatening or overwhelming.

8. Constantly seeking approval – Needing external validation to feel okay.

9. Feeling different from others – Believing they don’t quite fit in anywhere.

10. Being either super responsible or super irresponsible – Swinging between extremes.

11. Being extremely loyal, even when it’s harmful – Difficulty letting go of unhealthy people or situations.

12. Being impulsive – Acting quickly without considering consequences, leading to self-sabotage.
    
    

These traits aren’t meant as labels but as starting points for self-awareness. Many ACA members find comfort in realizing they’re not alone, and that these patterns developed as survival strategies in childhood.

ACA also talks about “The Flip Side of the Laundry List” (sometimes called the Solution), which shows how the painful patterns from childhood can be transform into strengths with awareness and healing. Here’s a paired summary for each trait:

The Laundry List → The Flip Side

1. Guessing at what normal is → Learning what healthy behavior looks like and practicing it in relationships.

2. Difficulty finishing projects → Becoming dependable and persistent with goals.

3. Judging self harshly → Developing self-compassion and acceptance.

4. Difficulty having fun → Allowing joy, play, and laughter into life.

5. Taking self very seriously → Finding balance, humility, and perspective.

6. Trouble with intimacy → Building safe, trusting, and honest connections.

7. Overreacting to change → Adapting flexibly and trusting the process of life.

8. Constantly seeking approval → Relying on an inner sense of worth instead of external validation.

9. Feeling different from others → Embracing uniqueness while connecting with community.

10. Being super responsible/irresponsible → Living with balance and accountability without extremes.

11. Excessive loyalty, even when harmful → Choosing relationships that are healthy, safe, and mutually supportive.

12. Impulsive behavior → Pausing before acting, making thoughtful decisions, and trusting one’s judgment.
    
    

Many ACA members work through these traits using the Laundry List Workbook, which offers reflection questions, writing exercises, and practical ways to notice when old patterns are playing out — and how to replace them with healthier ones.

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) can be paired with other 12-step groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or Psychedelics in Recovery (PIR), or even SMART Recovery because each program emphasizes a different but complementary layer of healing. AA, NA, and SMART Recovery focus on sobriety and breaking free from addictive substances, while ACA addresses the underlying childhood trauma, family dysfunction, and relational patterns that often drive addiction and codependency. PIR, meanwhile, provides a space for people in recovery who either work with psychedelics in a conscious, intentional way to support their spiritual growth and healing or have done so in their past and are seeking a community in which they can freely and openly discuss their experiences with others without experiencing judgement or stigma. Within PIR communities, a significant number of members find ACA especially resonant, much like the integration of Internal Family Systems (IFS), because both ACA and IFS directly engage with inner-child healing, shame reduction, and the re-parenting processes. While not everyone in recovery turns to ACA, the percentage of people in PIR who incorporate ACA into their journey tends to be higher than in AA or NA (or even SMART Recovery for that matter), reflecting the synergy between ACA’s trauma-focused recovery framework and the inner integration work emphasized in psychedelic-assisted healing. While the percentage of people in AA and NA who also incorporate ACA into their recovery may be lower, there are still a significant number of individuals in these fellowships who do so. So, if psychedelics are not a part of your recovery journey, then never fear as you will be able to find fellowship in the other programs of recovery as well.